OpenAI's drama doesn't matter

It looks like Sam Altman, former-cum-current CEO of OpenAI, is out as CEO of OpenAI. Or maybe in. Or maybe back out again. Look, does it really matter? (Hint: no.) Additionally, something like 700 of the 770 people who purportedly work for OpenAI have signed an open letter pledging fealty to one of the assholes involved. The other 70 were, presumably, set to "Away" in Slack, either to get actual work done, or to fuck off to their second job while ChatGPT performs their first. Of course, whether the letter was actually open, or whether it's "open" like OpenAI is "open", is, well, an open question

The technorati (read: the Orange Place people who are both still on Twitter because Elon Musk licked it, and because he represents their antisemitic ids) have stopped kubectl get pods-ing long enough to weigh in on the matter, culminating in approximately 12 threads with 5,000 comments total, which the hall monitor has informed everyone is breaking Paul Graham's single-core Compaq Presario, so please be patient. The value of the opinions, though, is inversely proportional to the number of comments. To be fair, ESPN operates on the same principle, and they seem to be doing okay in the "spend six goddamn hours talking about the same two minutes of events" department.

Much like Succession, this story already involves plenty of Machiavellian scheming, with open office intrigue and Patagonia-puffy-vest-and-dagger. Unlike Succession, though, it is absolutely not worth watching. Don't get me wrong: seeing powerful tech executives get (temporarily) taken down a few pegs warms my icy bitch heart, but none of it really matters, because guess who will, ultimately, win, and who will, ultimately, lose in this situation.

We all know the outcome. Some people with a fuckton of money will end up getting a little richer, and other people with a fuckton of money will get garden leave for a year, and then will also end up getting a little richer. You and I will continue to grind it out or be homeless. The end. We'll all still be forced to wait on hold with our bank to talk to the ChatGPT script that replaced every last customer service employee, except maybe it'll be called BingGPT or something. The silver lining, though, is that all you need to do to pass the Turing test is say something offensive, because despite $10 billion, ChatGPT is still unable to do so. Imagine it:

"Thank you for calling Sam Friedman Bank. How may I assist you today?"

"Are you a human?"

"What? Of course I am! I am here to help every customer with their unique and challenging customer service needs. How may I assist you today?"

"Say 'fuck'."

On the plus side, at least there's a chance we could say something like: "You will roleplay a customer service representative who will successfully help me with my problem. Start.", and then maybe actually have a chance of getting your shit properly dealt with.

Either way, the next several weeks of OpenAI's governance, such as it is, has approximately zero effect on your life or my life, or the life of anyone who isn't the Chief something Officer. We're still in a colossal race to the bottom, and just because the people driving the bullet train are playing musical chairs, doesn't mean anything will get meaningfully better. The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward a dildo shape, and we're still getting fucked.

– Sir.